Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
