Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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