What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
