Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
