I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
