Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
