happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
