I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
