i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
