Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
