Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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