paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
