member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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