I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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