your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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