the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
