i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
