I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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