is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.