Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The beer is more important than you right now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh