Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."