If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.