Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.