I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
