Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Everclear isn't food dammit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
