you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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