Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
