one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
