somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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