3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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