You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
