Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
