They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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