In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
