Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
