i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
