you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
