I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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