girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
