I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
