At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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