she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
