Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
