Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
