Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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