Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
