He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
