You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
