Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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