she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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