remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
