Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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