Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize