I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
