I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
