if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
