Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
