HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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