4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
