FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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