I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
