Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Jerry, you need to find god
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
