it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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