Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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