but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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