Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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