I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
