From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
