do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
