Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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