Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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